A little more of my Fictional Romance....

She had laid the book down several times , but tonight she could not stop writing. 
 She was back there, it hadn't taken her long to slip back to that time. 
It seemed inevitable that she would find herself different to the woman she was before.
She had loved so deeply and although they had never met she had fallen for him completely.
It was as if an unseen force, had drawn them to each other..... there was no other explanation for it.
It was highly improbable that they would have met under normal conditions, and if they had, that their hearts would intertwine.
She missed him....
She missed them.
"Write our story".... she heard his voice beckoning her onwards.
A smile appeared as she wiped tears, that brought with them a reminder of a time now lost, from her eyes.
She picked up her pen and began to write.......

You're a red string tied to my finger......

I am currently writing a fictional romance.  

Here is a teaser of what is to come....


Your'e a red string, tied to my finger
A little love letter I carry with me....The Civil Wars



Almost 7pm....her heart was sore as she looked out on a starry night. 

The Civil Wars played in the background... immediately bringing him back to her.

She wiped the tears from her cheek as she reached for her laptop.
She wondered if anybody could see the beauty of it all.
Her fingers touched the keys ....as she began to share the sonnet that they had become....





Page 1

How could she had known what lay ahead. 

It seemed almost inevitable that they would find each other even though neither one was 
looking. Today's technology made it so easy to connect with people. 
Defenses are more readily lowered when there are not physical barriers present.


She was a lover of Facebook, as a busy Mum on her own, it was a wonderful way to connect
with her children and friends both local and abroad. 
Her life was one of details and it had been that way for many years. 
She sacrificed her life for her children and loved every moment of it.

She would often look back to the times when she had been loved as a woman, but dared not
stay there too long for it was too easy to dwell on what she had lost.
In these times she would take a deep breath, reminding herself of the full and wonderful 
life she had been given.
She had no need of a man in this stage of her life. 
She had been on her own for more than 9 years but longer if you took into 
consideration that most of her marriage there had been the absence of love.

She was a romantic...a passionate woman, whose heart and soul soared when romanced.
She had learnt over many years to shut down that heart, moment by moment, day by day,
much preferring to see to the hearts of others. 
Fulfilling others heart needs seemed a lot easier and so much more sustainable. 

 

She convinced herself that her time was over... that she had had 2 great loves in her life and 
she should be grateful for what she had been given.  
She had often wondered if that passionate, romantic , desirable woman even existed inside 
of her anymore.

Her day had been busy like most days and late at night when the house was still, her 
thoughts took her back to a previous love. 
She wondered what he was doing and where he was? 
Was he married?

As she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror she wondered if he had aged like she had. 
She was maturing gracefully but was no longer the 30 year old girl she had been, when she 
had loved him. 

She washed her face and smoothed cream down her face and neck.
She climbed into bed as memories of those days repeated in her mind...
Maybe Facebook could put her curiosity to sleep. 

She climbed out of bed, turned on the computer and searched for his name. 
Within a few minutes , she found him.
There he was before her.. well sort of . 
His profile picture was from afar but she still recognised him.

His profile was private and this peaked her curiosity.
What could it hurt she thought just to see him.
A fictitious Facebook account?
She could make one in order to see him.

"Once I have seen the pictures I shall delete the account and no one will be any the wiser," she thought out loud.

If she had only known what lay ahead she might have gone back to bed.

With the excitement of a teenage school girl she looked through faces of people, friends of 
friends , until she found a face that he would like. 

Now... for a name.. his favorite name would be the best idea .
Her family surname would be perfect she felt, as she began the process of making a fictitious woman.

 
Her name would be Alexandria Beatson..... A Freelance Journalist ... 
Separated with 3 children ... 
Currently residing in Airlie Beach, QLD.
Alexandria worked from home but travelled with her work.  
Ahhh .. the dream job, a desire that she secretly had herself. 

She loved writing and she thought this would be a bit of fun , pretending to be somebody 
else for a week or so.
She began using Facebook's friend finder ... adding random people from all walks of life to 
make Alexandria's profile look authentic. 

Adding a few pictures. some of which she had borrowed and some she had taken herself, 
she soon filled up her page and sat back to admire her work . 
After a few days her many friend requests were accepted and many more came in . 
Men cannot resist a pretty face she thought to herself. 

 
Alexandria was beautiful... long blonde hair , a tanned toned body, well at least in pictures. 
With over 30 new friends , her page looked authentic.
She was excited as she sent him a friend request... but even as Alexandria , she felt a little 
nervous.
She reminded herself that it was no harm , as she would delete the page as soon as she had 
seen him.

She had no idea that what lay ahead, would change her life and somebody else's life forever.

Keeping my eye on what is fixed before me.....

Tonight, as I prepare for my youngest boys,my twins to go on their first camp , I find myself quite emotional. I have been unusually moody today and I have decided to stop and examine why I am feeling this way. Once again, I find myself, thinking about my children growing up and I am determined to push back the reality of that and just enjoy the time I have with them. Maybe the source of my feeling this way , stems from a fear of being left behind once more. Please don't get me wrong. My heart is full at watching my eldest 4 having grown up and making their own decisions for their lives. I think the problem is that even though I am still raising children, I still have this desire to share my life with someone who loves me as a woman. Not so much for now, but a hope for the future I guess. I continually push back these desires and choose not to look to the left or right, but rather to keep my eyes on what is fixed befoe me, that being raising my children and overall on my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and His will for my life. Every time, I have turned my head to the left or the right, it slows me down and can make me obsessive about something or even someone. I hate it.. its the flesh I am in, I am sure of it. How do I releaase myself from these earthly bonds? How do I stay firm and bring my imaginings into captivity? ....by starving my flesh and feeding my spirit. This can be hard to do on a moment by moment basis. It is imperative that I keep my eyes fixed on Him, in order to stay in this race. The bible says if your hand causes you to sin, then cut it off. Nothing is worth missing the prize by being preoccupied by imaginings, desires and untruths. They can take the place of my Lord and Saviour and that is the last thing I want to happen. Am I even making sense? I guess I am speaking between the lines as I cannot share what is really happening inside me but trying to make sense of it all by sharing an overview of it by getting to the core issues. This walk I am on, can get lonely if I don't stay close to the one I love , that being Jesus. I will hold onto the lover of my soul and cling to Him. He will be my one desire and in Him , I will be fulfilled. Father , I give this desire, as an offering , for all that you have done for me and given me. I will no longer hold on to empty promises of what tomorrow may bring when I serve the Author of time and Eternity. Father uphold me in your heart and draw me closer still until I can feel your very breath upon my face. I know You Won't Relent until You have all of my heart <3

I see the Cloud of Your Presence and I walk in...

Recently I heard some news that has been hard to take. A friend whom I have known for many years has a mass on one of his kidneys. This friend has been through so much in the past few years . He is a prayer warrior and has prayed for many people around the world at various times. He is one of the few men that I know who loves God passionately and recklessly. His heart is barbaric at its very core and I love how he loves Jesus. Since I heard this news, I have been praying and fasting as I ask God for a good report for him, after his recent scan. During this time, I have been so thankful for the internet and to be able to access worship videos on youtube, in particular, Jesus Culture -Encounter 2012.


 


 Jesus Culture and in particular Kim Walker , know how to take you into the throne room to see the very face of Jesus. I am so thankful to them and to God for their ministry.
 There is so much power in HIS name... the name of JESUS. Just saying His name is all it takes to bring on his presence, his name causes darkness to tremble, His name drives all fear away, his name is Love ... He is our healer.. our Saviour , our friend, our brother, and yet He is God. My mind can't contain it.. my heart is overwhelmed by Him and His love for me.

There is noone I could run to but him. The bible says "He is my ever present help in times of trouble". I know this so well... He has been my help throughout the years, and I love him so much. I have learnt in this life that nothing is forever.. relationships come and go , children grow up and move away, nothing is forever except for the love of my Saviour. His love will continue into the other side of Eternity. It is this love that my heart longs for . He woos me with an everlasting love and melts my heart as I spend time with him. He searches the deep recesses of my heart and draws out what is not of him and upholds me as he asks me for it. How can I not, live for Him? How can I not, give him everything? How can I not, fall on my knees in worship before him for all that he has done?

The blessings that he has given me in this life have come out of much heartache. He requires nothing else but ALL of me and how can I not, but give him all of me? There is no one in this world who can satisy like Jesus can... He fills my heart and soul and renews my spirit. I love spending time in His presence.. its where he truly reveals who he is.


 There is a cloud before me, thick with his presence. I walk in... into the warm healing light. I walk in, hand in hand with my friend into this cloud full of the presence of God and thick with His LOVE.
 We are not afraid.. There is a healing in the light of his presence...I hold up my friend to Him , high into the light of His presence. The healing power of Jesus permeates every fibre , every cell every part of my friends being. He is lifted up and transformed before me ... the light of God , the healing power, lifts him off the ground..slowly turns him around in mid air as Gods power touches every part of him.          This renewing, redemptive,glorious healing power of the one who spoke this universe and our world into existence redeeming every part of my friend before my own eyes. As he is released.. he lays there.. motionless.... with tears in my eyes I walk forward and touch him.
As he opens his eyes we both look up.... and it is then that we see the face that we have both longed to see for so long, the face of Jesus.. the same face that told me in a dream many years ago to "follow Him"... that beautiful face .. those beautiful eyes.. that beautiful mouth that speaks to us.You are so loved... I have longed for you to see me face to face for us to look into each others eyes and for me to be able to permeate your souls and spirits with my love for you. What you have seen is just a glimpse of my love and glory... there are some things that I have to hold back until that day you are with me forever.. but know this.. I am with you.. there will never be a time when you are alone.
 Know I lead you onto the path that I have purposed for your life, keep seeking me each day for your daily bread , your provision each day. Keep drinking ... drinking my fresh living water.. for without it you will perish. Sit with me , give me time to show you the wonderful and marvelous things that I have planned for your life and for the work that I would have you do on earth.
 Know that I will be returning soon... it won't be long now .. only My Father knows the time but I sense it wil be near.. there are still many who do not know my love for them... be my hands and feet to them.. my arms and my voice to the nations who have become numb to me.
They have forgotten all that I have done for them. Don't despise small beginnings,teach my love to your children, each one can multiply my love into this dying world 100 fold. I have called you for such a time as this.. separate yourself from the things of this world and from the things of the flesh.. renew your spirit by reading my words for you, love unconditionally , even the ones who despise or ignore me for it is by your love for them that they will come to know me.
Glorify me in the little things and I will be exalted and glorified when the big things arise.
 A watching world depends on you ... rise and be healed in Jesus name.. by my stripes you are HEALED. Go in peace and love , remind each other and the world of my love."

He takes my friends hand and helps him to his feet .. and hugs him . It is an embrace that makes my friend inhale deeply, inhaling a fresh infilling of the Holy Spirit , inhaling the Spirit of Jesus, inhaling the Spirit of the living God. He wipes the tears from my eyes and kisses my hand ... fresh tears fall on to his hands and I kiss them away as he embraces me. This gentle lover of my soul, my redeemer , my Saviour whom I love with every fibre of my heart and soul. We stand in His presence for a time, unable to move, not wanting to move.. wanting this moment to last forever, not wanting to leave this cloud , not wanting to leave Him. The cloud begins to lift and slowly starts to dissipate. We stand in the same place , amazed and changed forever at what we have just seen. Still feeling his hands on us we look at each other .. our faces are different, illuminated, full of His countenance.. full of joy and love.

We are filled with a new passion, a new depth of love for a dying world ..refreshed and rejuvenated to continue the race ..... show us where to continue Lord.. direct us and lead us as you promised.

We love you so much.

THE GREAT VALLEY

When I first saw Quest Community Church, I was at a stage where I was pretty much over the "organised church". I had seen so much pride and clickyness over the years and there were truly only one or two people, whom I could see , who had a true relationship with Jesus.
Those couple of people were passionate about Jesus and the things of God and they were also very very humble. I did not see an inch of pride in them. They loved everyone the same..regardless of their choices in life. They had the unconditional love that the bible talks about oozing out of the them. I felt akin to these people but longed to find others who felt the same.

 I had begun to think that I might not ever find others who felt like me and so I just spent time alone with God holding on to him in this time of drought. When my Son went to Lexington, Kentucky in the USA, to be Quests worship director, I still was completely unaware of what he had stepped into. I watched Quest online origiinally to watch my Son but as the weeks went on, God started doing something so beautiful in my heart. I was seeing that these people had the same heart as me....it was as if God had used the same cookie dough and carved us all out individually. During this time, I went to visit my son after the birth of my first grandson, and when I stepped into Quest physically for the first time, it felt like I had found ,"The Great Valley".

 The Great Valley was in the childs movie, The Land Before Time. The movie is about the journey of baby dinosaurs whose land around them has become barren and drought like, and they begin a journey in search of "The Great Valley", a place where the grass and vegetation were fertile and green, the rivers and streams ran clear . It was like, the land of milk and honey that the bible talks about. I had been in that barren land for a long time, picking up little bits of sustanace along the way. I had long given up thinking that there would be a Great Valley here on earth.
I figured that I would have to wait for Heaven. As I stood at Quest and began meeting more and more people , I literally felt like "Littlefoot" standing on the edge of a mountain as my heart filled up with the realisation that I had entered in and was grazing on the fertile grass in "The Great Valley".

Please watch this video as it is a reflection of what God did in my life during this time.......

 


 In May 1999, This church was originally formed by a group of around 60 people who felt led by God to build a church. They hadnt felt qualified and really were making it up as they went along but God was in it all the way. This church would love people radically and tear down barriers that prevented people from seeing Jesus for who he was. Their belief was that if people could truly see Jesus for who HE really was.. they would want him. This would be a community, who would love unconditionally as they loved people as Jesus loved people. Many would mortgage their homes, sell property , give their lives savings to build this church. Their "Yes" to God made a way for God to do an amazing work.

 

 Today, 13 years on, more then 20,000 people have came to know and have a relationship with Jesus because of that yes. A few years ago , the church building expanded to accomnodate the growing population.. again, people from all walks of life , of all varying incomes, came together and gave an outstanding amounts to pay for the church expansions.

 This church is like nothing I have ever seen on earth.. The Pastor, Pete Hise is a man of God who literally drips of Jesus. The words he speaks are like "life giving water". He is able to speak from the very heart of Jesus, because he spends time with Him and submits his life to him. You can tell those who have hung out with Jesus from those who havent, by their words and actions.

When Pete looks at you , you sense Jesus behind his eyes. You sense the same thing in others there too. Its as if their hearts are all beating with his heart. The most wonderful thing is that you can watch this church LIVE online and see previous services on their website at www.questcommunity.com

 If you are feeling dry, or you are in a barren land or simply have no idea about Jesus.. come on over to Quest and step into "The Great Valley". To those original pioneers, Pete and Jackie Hise and the team, and every person who make Quest what it is today, I thank you. Who would have thought that all those years ago, that you would be feeding a Mum of seven here in Australia.

Thank you for everything you do in HIS name and for the sacrifices you make . Thank you for saying your Yes moment by moment.
 Godbless. Jewell x

 Here are some videos with the pioneers of the church sharing memories......


 

Jesus death was foretold more than 700 years before he was born......

I find it Amazing that the torture, death, burial and resurrection of Christ was foretold 700 years before his birth. Only God could have inspired these writings...



Isaiah 52:13

The Lord says, "My servant will succeed in his task; he will be highly honoured.
Many people were shocked when they saw him; he was so disfigured that he hardly looked human. But now many nations will marvel at him, and kings will be speechless with amazement. They will see and understand something they had never known."

53:1 The people reply, "Who would have believed what we now report? Who could have seen the Lord's hand in this? It was the will of the Lord that his servant grow like a plant taking root in dry ground. He had no dignity or beauty to make us take notice of him. There was nothing attractive about him, nothing that would draw us to him. We despised him and rejected him; he endured suffering and pain. No one would even look at him — we ignored him as if he were nothing. "But he endured the suffering that should have been ours, the pain that we should have borne. All the while we thought that his suffering was punishment sent by God. But because of our sins he was wounded, beaten because of the evil we did. We are healed by the punishment he suffered, made whole by the blows he received. All of us were like sheep that were lost, each of us going his own way. But the Lord made the punishment fall on him, the punishment all of us deserved. "He was treated harshly, but endured it humbly; he never said a word. Like a lamb about to be slaughtered, like a sheep about to be sheared, he never said a word. He was arrested and sentenced and led off to die, and no one cared about his fate. He was put to death for the sins of our people.

He was placed in a grave with those who are evil, he was buried with the rich, even though he had never committed a crime or ever told a lie." The Lord says, "It was my will that he should suffer; his death was a sacrifice to bring forgiveness. And so he will see his descendants; he will live a long life, and through him my purpose will succeed. After a life of suffering, he will again have joy; he will know that he did not suffer in vain. My devoted servant, with whom I am pleased, will bear the punishment of many and for his sake I will forgive them. And so I will give him a place of honor, a place among the great and powerful. He willingly gave his life and shared the fate of evil men. He took the place of many sinners and prayed that they might be forgiven."

What legacy will you leave behind ??

I have always seen the importance of this question. What is important to you?.. what is it that you lend your heart and passion to?

Our life will, even now, be leaving a legacy to those who watch from the sidelines.
There are stories that will be told about our life long after we are gone , that will shape our legacy for future generations.

I was listening to a story this morning about a man who had spent time with his 95 year old Aunt. The man asked his Aunt to tell him about his great grandfather. She immediately replied, "Well , let me describe to you Elisha Shroebel Carter like this. She said every night after the meal was over,Elisha and his brothers would pull out the checker board and play checkers... you see there really wasnt much else to do.They had a great time..and then one morning Elisha came to breakfast with his brothers. He said "boys.. I can't play checkers any longer." His brothers replied," Why? What in the world is wrong with checkers??" Elisha replied .. " Well you know evey night when I go to bed, I spend that whole time focusing my whole heart and mind on Christ. I talk to him.. go through the things of the day that have happened and think about the next day.Its a very special time with him... and last night when I went to bed, all I could think about were the moves I could have made on the checkerboard... and I had vowed , Elisha Shroebel said, years ago, that I would never let ANYTHING come between me and my relationship with Jesus Christ."
The mans aunt continued.. "You know he never played checkers again!".

Now you might be thinking.. thats kind of silly.. whats wrong with playing checkers.. and the answer is really nothing.What impressed me is not the issue itself . What impresses me is the tenderness of his conscience, the teachability of his heart, I love the immediacy of his obedience and his desire to not let anything dilute a simple pure relationship with Jesus Christ.

You might say what did that gain him?? Well heaven knows and I know this. He raised 6 Godly Sons and Daughters and THAT is the legacy of this mans life.

It reminds me of a time when we, as a family, had become completely obssessed with everything that was THE LORD OF THE RINGS. We watched the movie, played the games, painted the figurines and collected everything from chess sets to statues to books, playing cards and stickers. We would share stories with anyone who would listen about the similarities of the bible to the Lord of The Rings, and share what Jesus was teaching us about our spiritual lives through the movie.
For those who remember our family at that time would confirm everything that I have said. My youngest twin boys, Benjamin and James when they were only 2 years of age, could repeat quotes from the movies. Their favourite game was getting a stick (turning it into a bow and arrow, with a tea towel tied around their shoulders as a cape) and pretending to either be Legolas killing the Orcs or Gandolf standing face to the face with the Barog as they would declare loudly.."YOU SHALL NOT PASS!! (they would even echo the words at the end.. You shall not pass....ass..asss! Hehe!!)

One night before going to bed, God clearly spoke to my heart . He showed me that we all loved The Lord of The Rings as much as we did him. It floored me to be completely honest, but once I put pride down, I could see it so clearly.
We had all become obsssessed and it was taking away our hearts from the Lord. We still had Jesus in our lives, but he wasnt in his rightful place. He wanted to be our only obssession .. the focus of our passions..our all in all.

Without hestitation the next morning , I explained what God had told me to my children . It was hard for them to completely understand, but they trusted me and that God had spoken to my heart. We built a huge bonfire and took several wheelbarrows down and poured every LOTR item into the fire.

I knew we had done the right thing unto God.. as we were all in tears.. it was breaking our hearts to be obedient as we watched all our treasured items burning. It was one of the hardest things we have ever done jointly as a family.
These items had truly taken up residence in our hearts and our broken hearts and tears were proof of the fact.

It took a few weeks to be completely free of the obsession... and I want to make it quite clear that there is nothing at all wrong with the Lord of The Rings. In fact we still love and have since purchased a few Lotr items.. but the obessession is completely gone now. We have things back in balance. It was a valuable lesson to learn as a family... never to put things before God as it is too painful to let them go at a later date hehe.

I am so grateful for what God taught us during that time. It is a beautiful story of our obedience and love toward Jesus and his love for us. He is such a gentle teacher as he woos us tenderly whispering.. "I want nothing to come between us and our love for each other. Nothing on earth can begin to compare or even satisfy.Trust in me .. as you put me first I will give you your hearts desire"

Looking back over the past 8 years I know that to be completely true.
This story will be shared with future generations as part of a legacy that we shall leave behind. For that I am forever grateful <3 a="" href="http://photobucket.com/images/lotr" target="_blank">

Help me to hear your voice Lord!

I have been thinking lately of what I really want to do with my future. It will be the first time in many years that I have lots of decisions to make that can really make or break our future. I have been seeking God for his wisdom and I have decided to write a list of the things that are important to me as a woman and a mum.



Things of Importance to me:
* I like being a stay at home Mum.I love making my house a home and I love being able to bake, write, to blog, to be creative , and just having the time to connect to and with people.
*I really loved being a wife.
*I have been at Tafe College this year and I hate the fast pace of it all. I hate having to be in a higher gear getting everything ready due to the fact that I havent got the time I used to.
* I hate when I come home that I still have Tafe work to go over or assesments.
* By selling my home , I wont be any better off. I will have a small lump sum.. which I know will soon disappear and then week to week I will not be any better off financially.
*I dont like the idea of working 5 days a week and leaving the children with someone else in the afternoon after school or on school holidays.
*I would love to be able to earn money while I am at home....

So I am seeking God on how I can do that ...I am stepping slowly as not to miss his voice...
Please pray for me and my children that in the middle of all my ideas and the busyness of life... that I will hear clearly his still small voice clearly!!
WATCH THIS SPACE....


Psalm 25:4-5
Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.

Follow Me......

Listening to Misty Edwards ,"Arms Wide Open" this afternoon .
My home is so peaceful at the moment....
My mind wanders back to the time that Jesus revealed himself to me .
He had pursued me for many years even though I was completely unaware of it.
This particular night.. happened  after weeks of my heart aching. My Nanna had died and I was left with an emptiness and a grief I had never known before. I had been brought up Catholic and knew about Jesus and God .. I knew the story of the cross... and at times I had even felt "goosebumpy" in the church but nothing else.
This night started like any other. I had my little boy,Anyerin who was about 12 months old. I put him in his cot to sleep and spent time in front of the television with my husband John. We then retired for the night and went to bed. I am not sure how long I had been asleep..but soon I began to dream.........

I was walking in a beautiful botanical garden with a friend of my mothers. As we walked we came across life size statues...each statue represented a "station" of the cross. In the Catholic faith , in their churches , the stations of the cross are pictures sharing the last steps of Jesus life. These pictures are designed to allow you to stop and ponder that time and spend time in prayer there.
The first station shows a picture of Jesus standing before Pontious Pilate washing his hands, where He is told he will be condemned to death. The 2nd shows Jesus Carrying His Cross.......




As we walked we came to the 2nd station of the cross. It was there that we rested. In my dream , the greyish statue was life size of Jesus, bent over with the huge cross laying across his back.
His left arm and hand outstretched toward me.  As I put my hand in the statues hand I leant on it to rest .I turned my back to the statue and started talking to my Mothers friend.
It seemed such a hot day......






As I was talking , I felt the cold hand of the statue, change to a hot, wet clammy flesh feeling hand....
 It felt like time stood still as I turned to see what I was in fact feeling.
I looked into the statues face, blood and tears streaming down his face. It was so beautifully carved ...
With his sweaty hand still in mine , His eyes went from  grey stone cement to a BRILLIANT BLUE.
Then I heard the words that I will never forget ...
he whispered these words down deep inside me...........'FOLLOW ME".





I immediatly awoke from my dream still feeling the wetness on my hand. I was crying and shaking. My  husband woke up and asked was I alright? I, through tears, explained to him what had just happened.
He rolled his eyes patted my head and told me to go back to sleep. To him .. it was just a dream..but to me, it was life changing.





I lay in bed contemplating what those words really meant. "Follow Me!" ...how do I follow Jesus?
 Do I go back to the catholic church?
Where do I look for him?....
How do I even start to follow him?
I lay there gazing at the ceiling making pictures from the chips that were peeling off.



It took a few months until he led me to an advertisement in our local newspaper that said in big letters.."GOD HEALS!"
It was an invitation to come and hear a guest speaker called Ezekiel Choong speak at the Lighthouse Christian Centre.




I felt a flutter in my heart as I really felt this would be a great place to start. That weekend I took my Great Aunty Beryl with me. Safety in numbers I thought ...
 Ezekiel Choong was visiting from Asia and he was very hard to understand due to his thick accent. Nevertheless I sat in the service patiently waiting to hear from  the one who had spoken those words "Follow Me" and for Him to reveal himself to me. At the end of the night ... Ezekiel gave a call to those who did not know or have a relationship with Jesus to come forward and meet this Saviour that died for us. My heart began beating faster and I knew this was my time... I was ready to meet the one who had called me to "Follow Him". I felt such a drawing of my heart that night ... like a pulling .. a tugging to go and meet Him. As I walked out the front I prayed a prayer with many others who went to meet him for the first time too. I cried and cried and cried as I prayed and surrended my life to Him...
By the end of the night my  chest region felt as if it was washed clean... empty... lighter.. they are the only words that can describe the feeling.


23 and a half years have passed since that day that I began "Following Him"  .. ..
So many things have happened since then... some good , some bad and others just straight out ugly. There have been times that I have been obedient to him, other times I have walked the opposite way... some times I have shamed him and other times I have sensed his heart bursting as he applauded and cheered my choices.




Through it all ... regardless of my choices and actions...one thing  never changed.
His love for me has never ceased ... He has never stopped pursuing me ... He has never stopped wooing me to "Follow Him".
He has romanced me until I have had no other recourse but to fall in love with Him over and over again.

I now know the One in Whom I trust... .
He offers you and I love , love and more love. No matter where we are in our journey of life ,  know that He is crazy about us. He is totally undone by His love for us.

Can't take my eyes off you.......

Whilst sitting here trying to think of words to share about how I feel about My Saviour.... I came across this song.....
It spoke everything I wanted to say........
So this is me, sitting down with Him, singing him a love song ,from the depths of my heart .......
I hope it becomes your love song to him too...



"Can't take my eyes off you" Lady Antebellum


I know that the bridges that I've burned along the way

Have left me with these walls and these scars that won't go away
And opening up has always been the hardest thing


Until you came



So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go
This feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
And I just can't take my eyes off you



I love when you tell me that I'm pretty when I just *wake* up
And I love how you tease me when I'm moody, *but it's never too much*
I'm falling fast, but the truth is I'm not scared at all



You climbed my walls



So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go
This feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
And I just can't take my eyes off you, off you, off you

God Blessed the Broken Road.....

Looking back over my life I feel like I am one of the blessed women on the planet......

I was raised in a home where my Dad was an alcoholic and most nights were filled with the sounds and sights of Dads anger and violent outbursts as he hit my Mum . We girls would sit in fear , hiding in our rooms or cupboards with our tummies aching as we waited for things to calm down until Dad had finally had enough and went off to bed.

We always felt loved  by Mum and strangely enough by Dad too as when he wasnt drinking he was a nice man.  We entered and re-entered schools up and down the north and South Coasts of Australia more then 20 times during the primary school years, due to Mum and Dads continual separation followed by many  reconcilliations. It was hard making friends knowing that I could never invite them home because of Dads outbursts and violent behaviour.


Finally when I was around 11 years old , Mum found courage to leave Dad for good and it was then that we moved to Wollongong permanently.
I was a very happy child but was tormented often by our past . I somehow attained a real loyalty for my Dad and gave Mum a hard time as she tried to start a new life romantically. Looking back, as a young girl, I think I wanted my Mum to myself and didnt want to share her with anyone else.


From a young age , I knew that the only thing I really wanted to do with my life was to become a Mum and Wife.. probably in that order too.

I had a perfect picture of what I thought my life would be. I wouldnt settle for less.  The requirements would be simple that He would love me as much as I loved him. That we would have many children , and that our home would be filled with music, laughter and happiness. No walking on eggshells...and wondering what would happen next for my children.

When I did finally marry at 20 years of age, I was 3 months pregnant with my first son .
I had met the man of my dreams and he had won my heart. He had a wonderful sense of humour and made me laugh , he was extremely good looking and loved me so much. 7 years later with 3 children and pregnant with my 4th he left our family home and took my heart with him. It was during this time I was so thankful that I had found faith in Jesus when I was 21. Sounds crazy for those of you who havent experienced him, but He literally became my life line . He poured so much  hope and love into my heart as I raised my children.  His love for us all was tangible and my children could sense him in our home as they grew.  It wasnt something that just happened though. Everyday I would choose to think the way he thought  and I would search for his way to raise my children. I sought out people who knew him and those whose faith I admired,  to spend time with. My heart was sore everyday...it was as if I could feel each part of my heart.  Each segment had its own bruise and very slowly over a long time  those bruises began to heal. I realised that no matter what my husband thought of me... or that he no longer had a desire for me , I had found a God who desired me and was pursuing me with everything he had.



5 years went by and I met a wonderful man whom I later married. He was so different from my former husband. He was secure and stable , older then me and someone I felt would look after my children and I.  My love for him was different too , maybe because I was a little older and wiser. I was not in a fantasy world, thinking that he would  " complete me". I had my God in whom I felt loved and cherished, my beautiful children to nurture and everything seemed right with the world.

We had 3 more children together. Twins were the icing on the cake....
Raising seven little Australians had its trying times but also some of the most beautiful moments  of my life.  In fact the most beautiful memories always have one or several children wrapped up in the middle of them. We had some difficult times and after 5 years of marriage and several years of being together , we made a mutual decision to separate. We would do things a little different to the "norm" and we would stay friends and simply live in different places. It released the whole family from the day to day pressures of stress and allowed peace and happiness to reign in our home and his.
We would live "outside the box" that most people choose to live but it worked and continues to work for us even to this day.


The empty nest syndrome was not something that I had prepared myself at all for.... in fact I hadnt quite understood it all and felt that when ALL the children left home I would probably experience it .
It has taken 3 years , and I think I am nearly there. The past 6mnths have been an  incredible time of growth to the point that everything that I had held important to me , I have had to let go . These expectations that I was continually putting on others, were robbing me of the simple joys and pleasures of everyday life.  It was as if God was placing all these blessings at my feet and I was looking everywhere else , except at those very  blessings.

I am so grateful for everything that has happened in my life. Those times and Gods grace. love and mercy have made me who I am today. Even though I still have days when things literally hit the proverbial fan, I know that with my hand, in the hand of the God of this Universe.. nothing can happen that can steal my perfect peace.  I know that he is working "all things for my good and for the good of those around me".  In saying good, I mean,  that he is working ALL things so that you and I might come closer to him, that we would see him for who he really is.  Each day I am coming to realise how much he truly loves me. It is no longer a fantasy .. no longer just a line from another romantic movie...
I can now say , from the fullness of my heart.... that "He completes me"


He has truly blessed the broken road of my life and led me straight to his heart.
The words of this song share perfectly how I feel about him........


"Bless The Broken Road"

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

[Chorus]

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

I Drink you like the Nectar that Falls from Eden ...

I have had this song going over and over in my mind....
It describes everything I feel about my God.
I drink him in like water.... I drink him like an everlasting love...I drink him like Freedom..
He is the only thing I have found in this life that truly satisfies.
He is more intimate then any lover could ever be... he beckons me to come closer ..to feel his very breath upon my face.
He leads me to a place where I find peace and rest and stillness...
All the while he whispers... drink me like water... drink me like freedom... drink me like the nectar that falls from Eden....
I am the reason you smile he speaks...
When you can't see the way ahead...I am the timeless light that illluminates your way
When you are tired and cant go any further ... I will carry you until I set your feet on higher ground
I become the sparkle in your eyes again as you rest and trust in me......
I have been here with you all along...stop.... now breathe  for a moment... Can you hear my heart beating with yours?... Can you feel my breath rise and fall with yours?
Our breathing is melodic ...like a song ...perfectly harmonised.
You were searching in the heights  and deep into the valleys .. you wore yourself out searching for me.... only to find I have been here all along...closer then your breath... between your breath and sinews I reside.....
I will never leave you ... never forsake you... nor will you ever be loved by any other so deeply as I have loved you...... I am yours and you are mine.....I offer you love .. love and more love.....Drink me in <3 <3 <3




Everlasting Love by Ed Kowalczyk
Oh What Dreams have we here?
Such vivid colors in all the clothes that you wear
You alone ~you are the secret makes mona lisa smile.
You alone ~you are the sign that Love is true..thats its really here
Now I drink you like water
Drink you like Freedom
Drink you like the nectar that falls from Eden
Drink you like water
Drink you like the Everlasting Love!

Oh its borrowed time we're livin on ,
But I dont care anymore I got you, I'm breakin off this weight
You alone~ you are the timeless light that illuminates my way
You alone ~you are the sparkle in my eye everyone can see
Its a miracle that I found you here next to me
I heard you breathin, I feel your song
Over mountains so high and rivers so wide ,
I tried to find you......

Now I drink you like water
Drink you like Freedom
Drink you like the nectar that falls from Eden
Drink you like water
Drink you like the Everlasting Love!!!

Heaven.....

No one can make you believe or convince you about Gods existence.. not even all the head knowledge in the world will convince someone of his existence.


But know this ...God is pursuing every one of us , even now.




For some they may sense him in the setting of the sun, others may sense him as they walk along the beach..some see the proof of Gods existence when they look into the face of their children......




For me personally , I first sensed him in the hopelessness and heartache of my Nannas death.



One thing is for certain ......you will sense him or feel him at various times in your life.
Once you sense him, you have 2 choices.





You can merely ignore him and just keep walking through life or you can choose to stop, acknowledge him and take a step closer to him.



How do you do that?
Go to someone who has experienced and knows God for themselves .
God always places people in your path that know Him ,so that they can steer you toward him or introduce you to Him.
Go to someone who you trust , someone who is real with their faith.
By real .. I mean someone who isnt religious .
(You can tell the difference.)





Oh and remember... the next time you look at a sunset ...or stand on the top of a mountain...close your eyes for a minute and breathe in..... that day just might be the day that you sense and feel Him standing there next to you ♥ ♥ ♥

What would Jesus have done ?

THIS IS A TRUE STORY THAT BREAKS MY HEART AND BECKONS THESE QUESTIONS..
.
How did this family slip through? How did they go unnoticed in this world?
Would we  have  stopped to help or would we have left it to someone else to "fix"?.....
I wonder what Jesus would have done had he met this family?........



This past week, 3 young men aged 31,25 and 21 all with some form of intellectual disability were left stranded in a car park when their mother collapsed at the wheel and was taken to hospital.
The family had been living in their car for some months as they were unable to obtain permanent accommodation.
The people of All Saints Church , Nelson Bay were the last from a very line of people to help these young men.
Most chose not to help , stating that they didnt have services for such a predicament.
The police finally rang All Saints, a church whose average age of people is 70 years of age.
They themselves did not have the facility either but put the men into a cabin in a  local caravan park
A couple of the ladies from All Saints had the sad job of going to the men the day after to explain  to them that their Mum had died in hospital.'
She had been suffering from cancer for a long time . The tumour was so big it  had broken through her chest wall and was protruding from her skin. She and her boys travelled around and stopped off at motels until the money run out .. when they simply lived in their car until it was payday again.
For the next few days after the Mums death around 10 people from All saints provided the boys with accommodation , Breakfast and an evening meal . clothes and money for lunches.
The boys shared that it was difficult for them to understand why "perfect strangers" would want to help them.
They said "No one has ever done anything like this for us before "

There was only one known person who knew the family longer then 7 days.

Their  Mum was buried late last week and below is a part of the eulogy that was said by one of the boys . ( 2 of the ladies articulated things for him as he shared.....)

 JAMIES EULOGY TO HIS MUM.....

I guess one of the things about Mum was her stubborness . It showed in everything she did.
She prayed for me when I was sick.
I was a premature baby born 1lb at 26 weeks , 6th June, 1989 at John Hunter Hospital
I felt warmed when Mum prayed  like some sort of energy going through me.
I thought it was a dream but it was Mums prayer and my guardian angel holding my hand.
Mum always loved Jimmy Hendrix.
She also loved her car , it as a part of her...
She had great driving skills , steady hands that kept us on the path.

Mum taught us about the dangers of smoking, drinking, and drugs... the values of a clean mind, spirit and soul.
We have followed that advice to the letter.
In the past 2 years and 9 months we have  been moving from shelter to shelter.
Her warm arms kept us from the cold.
Mum protected us when we were young and we tried to protect her when she was very sick.
But , in the end.... like everything in life...death has to take us away.
We wont think on our sadness , but  embrace the love that she gave us.
May God keep her in his peace and loving arms ,
you will be in our hearts forever ...

We love you Mum love Jamie, Keith and Andrew, Amen


*Please pray for these young men. They have been given a home and some carers have been assigned to them.

Peace like a river ...

Could it be that the place where you are not surrendering control to God, is the place you are not experiencing peace? There can be no peace where there is no surrender... 

 

Isaiah 48: 18 says....."If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river"........

There has been countless times in my life  where I have had to choose surrender . Its one of the hardest things that I am learning..just when you think you've got this thing under wraps... another opportunity comes along which is often harder then the last time. Surrender requires a surrender of your very self. Its as if our very heart strings are attached to the other person or thing. 

Where do you start ? 

How do you do surrender ? 

Pastor John Kohler once asked me, " How do you eat an elephant?"

He replied with the answer.."one bite at a time...."

This piece of advice has held me in good stead for many years.

First things first. 

*Acknowledge that area, person or situation where you are being robbed of peace. That person, place or thing that is taking your thoughts, your time and your heart away from experiencing peace, freedom and joy in your life.

* Lay YOUR expectation or desire to control the person or situation, down...

*Lay down at his feet your desire for things to go a certain way...

At times it feels like strips of skin are being torn off you ..as little by little you surrender that area or that desire of your heart to God. 

*Don't just do it once, continue to do it EVERYTIME, you feel the desire .

Saying ..Lord, you know what my heart wants... but I only want the best from you in my life so I will give that to you . 

If its from God by giving it to him it will surely come to pass.

In Matthew 6verse 33 , the Bible says... " Seek the Kingdom of God above ALL else and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."...in other words let your first care be for His kingdom and His righteousness: and all these other things will be given to you in addition.

Once we get that Capital T truth fixed firmly in our minds and heart .. the Peace of God follows.. 

Start today.. take that first bite of the elephant.. it will take you a while to learn how to do it,just like all the good things in life that take time to flourish....

One day you will be able to hand everything over to him...you will learn to trust him as you experience His Peace...

Oh ....one more important thing.....

Remember you cant produce Peace.... you cultivate it <3

Pray this prayer and then let his peace flow over you through the words to this beautiful song by Kim Walker...

Lord ..

In the place where I am welcoming stress, anxiety, control, anger or unforgiveness..Lord I come to you and surrender that area of my life to you and ask for exchange YOUR PEACE..that peace that passes All understanding..that peace that brings perfect peace in my mind heart and body..I open my hands to you in surrender Lord, in Jesus name...Amen <3 <3 <3

 

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God
what you need, and thank him for all he has done".....Philippians 4:6
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is fixed on you, because he
trusts in you."..Isaiah 26:3

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you his peace at All times and in
every situation. 2 Thessalonians 3:16

In the middle of our chaos God promises that as we open our clenched hands to him . and trust him...... he will give us HIS peace.. a peace that passes ALL understanding.
He does it for me and he will do it for you ♥ ♥ ♥