Keeping my eye on what is fixed before me.....

Tonight, as I prepare for my youngest boys,my twins to go on their first camp , I find myself quite emotional. I have been unusually moody today and I have decided to stop and examine why I am feeling this way. Once again, I find myself, thinking about my children growing up and I am determined to push back the reality of that and just enjoy the time I have with them. Maybe the source of my feeling this way , stems from a fear of being left behind once more. Please don't get me wrong. My heart is full at watching my eldest 4 having grown up and making their own decisions for their lives. I think the problem is that even though I am still raising children, I still have this desire to share my life with someone who loves me as a woman. Not so much for now, but a hope for the future I guess. I continually push back these desires and choose not to look to the left or right, but rather to keep my eyes on what is fixed befoe me, that being raising my children and overall on my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and His will for my life. Every time, I have turned my head to the left or the right, it slows me down and can make me obsessive about something or even someone. I hate it.. its the flesh I am in, I am sure of it. How do I releaase myself from these earthly bonds? How do I stay firm and bring my imaginings into captivity? ....by starving my flesh and feeding my spirit. This can be hard to do on a moment by moment basis. It is imperative that I keep my eyes fixed on Him, in order to stay in this race. The bible says if your hand causes you to sin, then cut it off. Nothing is worth missing the prize by being preoccupied by imaginings, desires and untruths. They can take the place of my Lord and Saviour and that is the last thing I want to happen. Am I even making sense? I guess I am speaking between the lines as I cannot share what is really happening inside me but trying to make sense of it all by sharing an overview of it by getting to the core issues. This walk I am on, can get lonely if I don't stay close to the one I love , that being Jesus. I will hold onto the lover of my soul and cling to Him. He will be my one desire and in Him , I will be fulfilled. Father , I give this desire, as an offering , for all that you have done for me and given me. I will no longer hold on to empty promises of what tomorrow may bring when I serve the Author of time and Eternity. Father uphold me in your heart and draw me closer still until I can feel your very breath upon my face. I know You Won't Relent until You have all of my heart <3